Top: Charity Shop // Pants: Nasty Gal // Shoes: Asos // Bag: Charity Shop // Necklaces: H&M

When I grow up I want to be a dreamer, dream big and make it happen.
When I grow up I want to be a thinker, think deeply and make a change.
When I grow up I wanted to be a fighter, fight for my body, my mind, my rights and live fearlessly.
But when do I actually grow up?

I'm approaching my 19th birthday and my life is the complete opposite of how I'd imagined it would be. I'll be 19 living at home, unemployed and not really certain about what the future holds. The future was always something I thought I could control, before being ill I knew exactly what my future held; I was moving to London, starting the degree of my dreams and going to excel at living the life I'd dreamed of! I didn't even consider taking time out between college and University because this was my 'When I grow up' plan and it seemed pretty fool proof. However, my plan never accounted for the 'What ifs' because I'd become so confident in following my dreams that in my mind, nothing would ever go wrong. Well let me tell you, life did go wrong and heres what I've learnt...

Life was never made to be easy, life will never be a fool proof plan and life is one big journey with NO definitive pathways. 9 months after finishing college and embarking on my 'Year of getting better'   I've definitely had a lot of time to consider my past an future decisions. The main thing I've come to terms is that the opportunity for education isn't going anywhere, starting College or University courses will always be an option for the rest of my life. No matter how old I get, I'll always have the ability to learn so why do we push ourselves into finding specific subjects at such a young age? 
I admit that a year ago I was adamant on going straight to University after College, but now I wish Schools and Colleges showed a more relaxed approach into going to University. Having one, two or ten years away from education doesn't make you any less equipped to learn and I think Schools and Colleges such advocate that. The structure education follows doesn't really leave room for learning about yourself and I believe in order to know what you want, you need to know who you are. 
Why are we all in such a hurry to be successful in societies eyes?
Can't we just live a little freely first?  

Personally, I think 'growing up' is something you can't plan to happen, it will just happen. I've learnt that you can't determine what will happen in the future, so let the the uncontrollable thoughts fade away and live for what you have today. You can't put a deadline or time limit on achieving a goal so don't hurry your life along. Things happen differently for everybody and you have to accept that people will always be at different stages of life because we aren't all the same!
When I grow up may in 10 years time, when you grow up may be next month, no matter what age life is always there to utilise in a way that benefits you. 

What this post is trying to say is that my options were accidentally opened to me and I'm thankful that they were. Although I spent months resenting the fact I couldn't go to Uni, I'm now thankful of this time and may even have another year out who knows...
I no longer feel obliged to meet expectations because my life is that unpredictable I can't plan tomorrow let alone next year!

When I grow up will be when I know who I am and live confidently and vibrantly in that body.
When will you grow up? 

Lucy Jane