I'm setting myself a challenge throughout the month of August to be constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I feel nearly as stable as I was pre-colitis and I want to grab on to that feeling and run with it. I know the little changes I make will create the biggest difference because I want to live my life without my illness defining me. I want my freedom, my independence, my confidence and some form of life structure back and I want it back for good. I want new experiences, new challenges and honestly, a new start with a new mindset and outlook on my life. August is going to be the month that happens, I am determined. I know it's going to be tough to push myself every single day but I know I need to in order to make these changes. So I've decided to share this new chapter with you lovely readers as comments I receive on my blog are some of the most supportive words EVER and they really help to push me along on my down days. 
When you face something life changing, you react to it in your own way, for me I fell into a way of living that just wasn't me. Now I feel like I've come out on the other side, it feels amazing but you have to reach that point to be able to put things into perspective and that is what I'm doing now.

Here are my goals for August and why I want to achieve them so badly...

1. Be driving confidently 
I passed my test May 2017 and have had a car since but I'd only driven Gino DeCampo the Kia Piccanto (yep, thats what I named it) once or twice because I developed a huge anxiety around it. My worries were that I'd put other drivers in danger as if I needed the toilet whilst driving, I knew it would completely mess up my focus. 
I want to drive confidently now because I want to be able to visit my friends at University, go to Maccies when I'm hungover and just zoom around in my little car! It gives me a sense of freedom and I haven't felt that much over the last year. It pushes me right outside my comfort zone and in order to grow, I need to do that.

2. Get my independence back
I want my independence back because I've spent a year relying so heavily on my parents and I don't want to do that anymore. Their support is the best and most amazing thing ever but I need to live my life and they need to live theirs.
 I was 18, the year when I should've been flying the nest and getting my own life started ended up being the year I stayed at home and paused everything. 

3. Finish off decorating my bedroom
I've been decorating my room since February and it still isn't finished. It's my own fault because I'd been so busy and so indecisive but I really want to finish it off because it gives me really uncertain vibes right now. I want it to be all homely and cosy like a little sanctuary I can escape to.
4. Focus more on the now
Focusing on the now is underrated and I wish people were more conscious of it. Being able to focus is something I used to be able to do instinctively but I know I've lost that ability as I constantly wander and am distracted. The world is always thinking and thinking has become a disease because we don't know when to stop. I want to regain focus and spend less time on my phone, social media, less time worrying and more time being content and in the present. 
Meditation is a practice I've used before and I will preach about it because it does help, but like anything you have to stick at it to see the benefits.
'Reflect and be'

5. Look after my body
I suppose this goal is quite a broad one but it's something I need to apply for the rest of my life. I want to look after my body in the sense that I want to be eating fresher, moving more and not getting black out drunk! I won't go into too much detail but I know my body doesn't work like most peoples anymore and it requires a little more TLC, I need to take responsibility and know my limits.

6. Create a film
I find film so fascinating and beautiful. I want to create a film of something but I don't know what. I may or may not post it online but I want it to convey a message and a feeling not just be entertainment. I'd thought about starting youtube again but I have a love/hate relationship with that platform...

7. Join new classes
This may sound like such an easy goal but to me, it's big! I want to start new classes because I really want to join a gym or a group of some sorts. Being alone and joining in is something daunting to everyone but I've just got to get over it and do it because everyones in the same boat. I love fun exercise classes and would love to pick up dance again as that brings me so SO much happiness and freedom! 
Cross the shy boundary and get moving.

8. Spark my creativity 
I know when I'm creatively inspired and focused that I'm the best version of me. I become invested and interested in my own art and that feeling is indescribable, starting a new project and seeing the final result is so rewarding! I want to be addicted to that.

9. Book my tattoo
I've wanted one for SO long and I know exactly what I want I just keep forgetting to book it. It signifies strength and growth and that's all the clues you're getting!

10. Have a long term plan
Finally, I want to have a plan
This year my life has been completely up in the air and I've not really had any commitments other than to hospitals and doctors. I want August to be the month I decided where things are going to go. Start researching part time jobs, internships, my own business and make a plan of action.
No more what ifs and buts, I have a positive mindset and I'm going to remain this way. Planning from where I'm going to go from here, what I'm going to do and get experience at the life I've held on pause for so long!

Those are my August goals and oh does it feel so good to feel confidence in reaching them. A month is an achievable amount of time to work on each of them, even if I only get a few steps forward it's better than none. 
I'm more aware of a brighter future and thats all the motivation I need to go and live!

So what are your goals for August?

Lucy Jane